Lesson 1: Roadblocks

After doing the reading for this week the course asks these questions:

• What is standing in your way right now? Me. Fibromyalgia, depression and time but mostly... Me. The inability to tell myself no, the tendency to procrastinate anything to do with my finances or my divorce/child support. Anything that makes me feel shame. Even if I want to overcome something or do something differently - the shame of NEEDING to do it stops me. So... me.

• What would happen if you overcame the obstacle? More importantly, what would happen if you didn't (think broadly: emotionally, physically, financially, etc.)? I feel like if I could get out of my own way I could get all the things accomplished that I want to. It's okay if parts of life are hard. I don't mind that so much but I feel lost about some aspects. My career is great. My daughters are pretty fantastic (but teenagers, amiright?!?). I wish I had a solid handle on how to deal with my financial future. It feels like such a mystery to me. Watching good financial practice was not part of my upbringing and it sure wasn't something my ex-husband brought to the table. I had to do all of it and I don't have a damned idea what I'm doing. And then if you throw in having multiple chronic health issues, getting MRSA, surgeries, etc. I just cannot manage to figure out the path forward. I have spent countless hours going over budgets and trying to make them work for me but every single time my stumbling block is myself. When I want something... I want to get it. Coincidentally it's the same reason I eat things I shouldn't - even though I know it'll make my body not feel good. Telling myself no is HARD.

• Can you reframe the most pressing current obstacle as simply a to-do list? In other words, in order to overcome this, what do you need to learn? What tasks do you need to perform? Who do you need to convince? I feel like there are 2 main things I'd like to learn. One I suppose is a therapy issue - how do you frame it in your head when you tell yourself no? How do you not rebel against that no? If I could 'conquer' that thing about myself I feel like it would change a lot.

• Have you ever used an "obstacle" as an excuse not to get started? Did you regret it? Of course. One of the things that is best for fibromyalgia is gentle exercise. You have to start very slow and work your way up but starting is hard. You hurt and you're sore - so you don't want to move. But if you move regularly you won't hurt as much.

• Are obstacles really just fears holding you back? Probably? I don't know. Fear of missing out? Fear of failure?

• What is the longest-running obstacle in your life? Still me.

• What steps have you used to make progress toward overcoming it? How far have you come with it? What do you wish would happen? How would that be possible? I have done plenty of therapy in the past. I think overall that's been very helpful and I'm certainly a highly functional adult but I want to push it more.

• What is the biggest obstacle you faced in your past? Did you overcome it? If so, how? If not, why? Being raised Mormon. Did I overcome it.... I think so. But it's taken a lot of years of work and effort. And I know without doubt that it still colors who I am and the way I view the world. That's a Mt Everest but I think I'm on the other side of it for the most part.